jazz dreams from the hill

first: today's post brought to you by one of the best recordings from my favorite band, covering one of the best songs from punk/indie legends. second: my trial run of photoshop is up, so paint will have to do until the hardcopy of PSE9 gets here next week.

since last season, i have had a recurring dream. not exactly recurring, i suppose, as the dream is changing to reflect what happens in my waking life. i don't know a lot about interpreting subconscious manifestations of your life, but i do recognize a couple of things here: (a) i think way too highly of myself; and (b) being part of something larger than myself is important to me.

the first dream in this sequence that i remember with any particularity was being waved off the floor at ESA to allow another player to check in. i exited on the wrong side of the court (near the miller's seats) and had to walk around to the bench, where ronnie brewer politely informed me that, though we were on the same team, we had never been officially introduced. ronnie price also shook my hand and gave me his name when i sat down next to them.

the next dream i had, early after the jazz exited the finals, is being welcomed to the team after my strong showing in the walk-on tryouts hosted by jeff hornacek (despite the fact that, in real life, i have a 3" vertical leap and can't make a layup if my life depended on it). although i made the cut, jerry DNP'd me for the first three games and i forgot my locker combination (high school?) and had to run to the old fanzz store in the basement to buy a new uni before the third game.

the third installment that i recall with any clarity was only a few weeks ago. my wife and i were headed to dinner at a very fancy and well-regarded restaurant in a downtown SLC building (that doesn't exist). on our way up the stairs to the private dining room for Very Important People, paul millsap stopped us on the stairs to say hello. i responded, "paul millsap, how do you know who we are?" "shoot, everybody knows who you two are."

finally, early this morning i dreamed that i had been re-activated for the team, and at morning shootaround i discovered that fes is actually only about 6'4" when you see him person. also sloan made it clear that i was on the squad only for practice or injury-based emergencies. so i snuck outside for a cigarette with a friend of mine who works for a local newspaper. but this time i remembered my locker combination (someone had cleaned it out in my absence).

while i recognize that most dreaming is likely just random firing of synapses, and that last night's adventure was probably the result of lurking on the UJ360 message boards until 3 am, it's still a little comforting to know that even if i never step foot on the floor at ESA in reality, the team feels enough like part of who i am enough to not laugh me off the floor in my dreams.


p.s. after telling my friend at the paper about this morning's hallucinations, he gave me an insightful response: "First, you might be the only person in America having dreams that include Kyrylo Fesenko; second, don't take the lack of playing time personally. Sloan has a history of being hard on rooks."

apparently my dreams are wild enough for me to possibly be gay for fesenko but not quite wild enough to let sloan start a rookie; even my subconscious recognizes that some things are permanent.