when i get old

today's post brought to you by the erstwhile descendents and a song i'm identifying with more than i'd like to.

today on KFAN's "people's court" segment, ben bagley and tony parks asked jazz fans who they'd rather see utah face in the first round of the playoffs, the spurs or the thunder.  i got out of the car and walked into my house while they were tallying votes and missed the final count.

but before i left my trusty subaru, bags addressed the several fans who were burning the spurs for being "geriatric" and "one broken hip away" from being totally irrelevant.  he mentioned that the spurs aren't really as old as everybody thinks they are.  and he's right.

as you can see, the average age of san antonio's squad is a whopping 8 months older than the average jazzman.  and it's not like san antonio is a bunch of really old guys balanced by a bunch of young guys while the jazz have a more balanced spread of birthdates.  the median year of birth for jazz players is 1985; for the spurs, it's split between 1984 and 1985.

even if you consider a player's peak to be age 28, the spurs only have six such "over-the-hill" types (a/k/a "veterans" and/or "multiple-time champions and all-stars") while the jazz have five--not exactly a gigantic difference.

so the next time somebody says "the spurs are too old to win a championship," tell them that if they're right, the jazz are only about a year away from being in the same position.

tell the truth

today's entry brought to you by the best track on hot rod circuit's final album.

things have changed, ever so slightly, in the bottom of the west.  see for yourself.

full-size image

obviously, two big things have changed since my last post.  one is the 5-6-7 spots shuffling around, what with dallas having beein sorking a cork the last two weeks.

more important is the fight for the 8 spot.  the jazz still have work to do, but in an upset-free next 13 days, guess who's making the playoffs?

eating it up

i love eating well.  one of the things i hated about moving to new jersey was that i left behind 25 years of compiling an impressive restaurant go-to's list.  and, now that i'm back, i find myself missing newark's one or two secret gems, plus the plethora of cullinary orgasms housed in hoboken and new york city.

normally this blog is utah jazz only.  but this season, several of the jazz-twitter community types have been trading restaurant tips.  i'd been meaning to actually put a list together of my favorite spots, so i took advantage of a recent tweexchange about SLC lunch spots and did just that.

the information below was compiled with two things in mind:  (1) in salt lake city proper (with a few well-deserved exceptions) and (2) lunch spots.  most of the joints listed here are also available for dinner, and i've noted those that serve breakfast/brunch as well.  my rating is totally from the gut and meaningless, out of five stars.  i only listed restaurants i've been to three or more times.  the rest should be fairly self-explanatory.

Restaurant
Price	My Rating	Neighborhood	Alcohol	Breakfast
Notes
9th South Delicatessen
$$	****	9th and 9th	N/A	No
NYC-style sammies, complete with matzo ball soup and Dr. Brown's Cel-Ray soda.  But NYC pricing, so order big to feed two.
Ahh Sushi
$$	***	Downtown	Yes	No
Shares space with O'Shucks bar.  Try the Funky Charlie if you don't like raw sushi.
Al Forno's
$$	***	Downtown	Yes	No
Hit or miss.  Really great when it's on, sub-par when it's off.
Aristo's
$$	****	U of U	Yes	No
Greek doesn't have to be gyros and souvlaki.  Try the skordalia.
Atlantic Café, The
$	***	Downtown	Yes	No
No-frills mediterranean fare.  Relaxed, neighborly atmosphere in the evenings.
B & D Burgers
$	***	U of U	No	No
Cheap burgers and shakes.  2-for-1 Tuesdays!
Barbacoa
$	****	9th and 9th	No	No
SLC's original, local-first burrito joint.  Better than Chipotle.
Bay Leaf Café
$$	**	Downtown	Yes	Yes
Decent lunch, tastes way better when you're hammered and they're still open at 2 am.
Bayou, The
$$	**	Downtown	Bar	No
Always packed and slightly overrated, it's still the best jambalaya in town.
Big Daddy's Pizza
$	***	Downtown	No	No
Do yourself a favor and order this pie: chicken, onions, artichoke hearts, mushrooms, on pesto sauce.
Blue Plate Diner
$	**	Sugarhouse	No	Yes
Somehow people love this place for breakfast.  I prefer it for lunch.
Bombay House
$$	*****	Sugarhouse	Yes	No
I've eaten better Indian once in NYC.  Enough said.
Boston Deli
$	**	Downtown	No	No
Blue-collar lunch for SLC's white-collar workforce.  Good sammies.
Busy Bee
$	***	Midtown	Bar	No
Garlic burgers on garlic toast that will give Cotton Bottom a run for its money any day.
Café Med
$$	****	Midtown	Yes	No
Yellow curry pasta is amazing.
Café Rio
$	**	Downtown	No	No
I loved this place, then I found out about Barbacoa.  Still pretty good if you don't want actual Mexican food, I guess.
Café Trang
$$	**	Downtown	Yes	No
A Utah institution, I can't eat here because they bought out Xiao Li's (SLC's last great Chinese spot) space on 3rd and 3rd.  But great food.
Café Trio
$$	***	9th and 9th	Yes	Weekends
A good way to try your hand at semi-fancy dining.  The balsalmic/goat cheese appetizer is bloody amazing.
Cannella's
$$	***	Downtown	Yes	No
Classic Italian.  Reminds me of Lady and the Tramp.
Canton Village
$	**	Downtown	No	No
Dragon Grill is disgusting, both in taste and hygiene.  Order in from these guys instead.
Cedars of Lebanon
$$$	***	Downtown	Yes	No
Mmmmm.  Schwarma and lentil soup.
Christopher's
$$$$	****	Downtown	Yes	No
If you need to impress a wealthy client or just want a perfect steak.  Not really a lunch place but one of my favorite SLC steakhouses.
Cinegrill
$	****	Downtown	Yes	No
Sort of a weird place (pink neon lighting?) but the salad is worth every penny.
Citris Grill
$$	**	Millcreek	Yes	Yes
My friends love this place.  I think it's mediocre at best.  Try it if you want.
Copper Onion, The
$$$	***	Downtown	Yes	Weekends
Not revolutionary but pretty good foodie spot.
Crown Burger
$	*****	Downtown	No	No
There is no better burger in the United States and I will fight you if you disagree.
Curry in a Hurry
$	*****	Midtown	No	No
I have no words.  I love Curry in a Hurry and you will, too.
Desert Edge
$$	****	Downtown	Yes	No
Great sandwiches and it's a pub, so great beer too!  Try the balsalmic chicken with a Latter Day Stout.  Also, great french onion soup.
Dodo Restaurant, The
$$$	***	Downtown	Yes	Weekends
Bunch of hipster clowns serving you overpriced food.  But it's delicious, so if you don't mind idiots, stop on in.
DP Cheesesteaks
$	***	Downtown	No	No
Pretty good cheesesteaks, lots of options if you're already in the middle of downtown.
Eggs in the City
$	*	Sugarhouse	No	Yes
Worst breakfast in SLC.  Just awful.
El Chihuahua
$	**	Millcreek	Yes	No
Food here is nothing to write home about.  The Deathstar is (you can only order 2).
Em's Restaurant
$$$	***	Downtown	N/A	Sunday
Good foodie grub in the Marmalades, who knew?
Este Pizzeria
$	***	Downtown	Yes	No
The closest thing you can get to a New York slice in Utah.  It's not Grimaldi's good but it's tasty.
Esther's
$	***	Downtown	No	No
Seems kind of dicey, but this is a great get-it-done sandwich shop.
Fiddler's Elbow
$$	**	Sugarhouse	Bar	Sunday
The 21+ side of SLP&P, this place is totally overrated and (excluding the prime rib for brunch) the food is rarely tollerable.
Finn's Café
$	*	Sugarhouse	No	Yes
Another breakfast place I don't care for but always has a line on Sat/Sun mornings.
Gandolpho's Deli
$	***	Downtown	No	Yes
A zillion sandwiches.  Not crazy good, but I've been eating there since high school.
Gracie's
$$	***	Downtown	Bar	Sunday
Pretty good pub grub.  No-pay shuffleboard!
Greek Souvlaki
$	****	Downtown	No	No
Best gyro in Utah.
Green Pig
$$	***	Downtown	Bar	No
So-so food, great rooftop patio.
Happy Sumo
$$$	****	Downtown	Yes	No
Really good sushi at the Gateway.
Hector's (Molcasalsa)
$	*****	Millcreek	No	Yes
Formerly Molcasalsa, they should have changed names to "Hector's Super Delicious Mexican Food."
Hector's Miramar
$	****	Midtown	Yes	No
This place used to be a used car dealership, now they have amazing enchiladas suizas.
Himalayan Kitchen
$$	****	Downtown	Yes	No
Fantastic weekday lunch buffet, plus a great evening menu as well.
Hires
$	**	Downtown	No	No
Pretty good burgers, shakes, and fries.  Eat here; the food doesn't stand up well in "to-go" form.
Ichiban
$$$	*****	Downtown	Yes	No
My favorite SLC sushi.
Koko Kitchen
$$	*****	Downtown	N/A	No
I could eat the chicken curry udon noodle soup every day forever.
Kyoto
$$$	****	Sugarhouse	Yes	No
My second favorite SLC sushi.
La-Cai Noodle House
$$	****	Midtown	N/A	No
Above-average indochine cuisine at a reasonable price.  Great pho.
Lamb's Grill Café
$$	***	Downtown	Yes	Yes
Lamb's has been open since the Mormons got to Utah, I think.  Good BLT, so-so french onion soup.
Little World
$$	**	Midtown	No	No
It's hard to find good Chinese downtown, and Little World isn't a blockbuster.  But it works.
Lucky 13
$$	****	Midtown	Bar	Sunday
These guys smoke their own bacon and it is AMAZING.  Really great burgers.
MacCool's
$$	****	Sugarhouse	Yes	Weekends
The "Irish" fare here is pretty tasty.  But Sunday brunch is where MacCool's really shines.
Market Street Grill
$$$	****	Downtown	Yes	Yes
Grill/broiler, whatever.  Boring but consistently delicious.
Mazza
$$	*****	9th and 9th	Yes	No
Everything at Mazza will blow your mind.  Seriously.
Meditrina
$$	****	Midtown	Yes	No
Solid tapas joint for pre-Bees conversing.
Mill Creek Café
$	***	Millcreek	No	Yes
Pretty solid breakfast/lunch joint across the street from Milosport.
Moochie's
$	*****	Downtown	No	No
Wow.  Cheesesteaks.  Meatball parm subs.  Go now.
Murphy's
$$	****	Downtown	Bar	No
SLC's best reuben sandwich, great staff.
My Thai
$$	*****	Midtown	No	No
The best Thai in SLC, rivaling only the Thai joint in Tooele for the state title.  Thai fried rice 4EVAR.
Oasis Café
$$$	****	Downtown	Yes	Weekends
Great foodie spot, try the lavendar flan for dessert.
O'Falafel
$$	****	Sugarhouse	No	No
Kind of overpriced for what you get, but good falafel (surprise) and decent schwarma.
Other Place Restaurant, The
$$	***	Downtown	N/A	Yes
I used to go here when it was too busy at George's Café (now defunct).  Typical Greek/American greasy spoon with a decent breakfast.
Pago
$$$	*****	9th and 9th	Yes	Sunday
Go on a date here and impress your significant other with your knowledge of SLC's sneaky but amazing elite restaurants.
Park Café, The
$	*****	Midtown	No	Yes
Best breakfast in town, bar none.  Great biscuits and gravy, good bacon, good potatoes.  Solid lunch lineup as well (try the chili).
Pat's Barbeque
$$	****	Midtown	Yes	No
Nationally famous for a reason.
Pie Pizzeria, The
$$	*****	Downtown	Yes	No
It's not NYC thin crust, and it's not Chicago deep dish.  Once you get past the labels, it's just so good.
Poplar
$$	**	Downtown	Bar	Weekends
Less-than-amazing lunch, and there's no Uinta beers on tap.
Red Butte Café, The
$$	***	Sugarhouse	Yes	Weekends
Best fish tacos in Utah?  Fight it out with Lone Star Taqueria, I guess.
Red Iguana
$$	*****	Downtown	Yes	Weekends
I had dreams about the Iguana while I lived in New Jersey.  Regularly.  Try all the moles.
Red Rock Brewing Co.
$$	***	Downtown	Bar	No
Great mashed potatoes, my friends don't seem to like this place as much as I do.
Rich's Mighty Fine Burgers
$	****	Downtown	No	No
These guys exist solely for the business lunch crowd, but I bet they expand in the next two years.  Great burgers, amazing blue cheese fries.
Robin's Nest
$	****	Downtown	Sort of	No
Awesome sandwiches, and you can order from Cheers to You next door if you want a pint with your lunch.
Ruby River Steakhouse
$$	**	Downtown	Yes	No
One step above chains like Outback, I don't know how these guys perpetually win "best steak" in CW when Spencer's is 1.5 miles away.
Rusted Sun
$$	****	Midtown	Yes	No
Really fantastic pies and calzones that are generally traditional but not always (try the Mediterranean).
Ruth's Diner
$	****	Sugarhouse	Yes	Yes
Half the point of eating here is driving out of the valley to escape the summer heat.  Great biscuits and corned beef hash though.
Sampan
$	**	Sugarhouse	N/A	No
Another of SLC's mediocre Chinese spots.
Sawadee
$$	***	Downtown	N/A	No
I thought this was SLC's best Thai until My Thai came along.  Still pretty good, definitely better suited to formal/romantic occasions.
Settebella
$$	*****	Downtown	Yes	No
It's not New York pizza, it's Neopolitan, which apparently is the traditional pizza form.  Either way, it's f-ing fantastic.
Siegfried's Delicatessen
$	***	Downtown	No	No
Got Spaetzle?  It's the best German deli in SLC.  But I think it's the only one, so that's not saying much.
Squatters Pub Brewery
$$	**	Downtown	Yes	Weekends
Decent beers (I prefer Uinta), pretty good food.  Another place all my friends love and I don't think is that amazing.
Star of India
$$	****	Downtown	Yes	No
I rate only Bombay House higher.  Saag aloo FTW!
Su Casa
$	***	Downtown	No	No
Barely mexican food, this is more or less straight from the Old El Paso can but the chile verde isn't half bad.
Sugarhouse Barbeque
$$	*****	Sugarhouse	Yes	No
Pat's might be famous, but SHB is my preferred source for mac n cheese, collard greens, oh and also brisket.
Tasty Thai
$$	***	Midtown	No	No
Near my house, I want this joint to be amazing every time I eat there.  Yet it's constantly only pretty good.
Toasters
$$	***	Downtown	Yes	No
Good sandwich selection though a little pricey.  Real Boar's Head meat and cheese though!
Training Table
$$	***	Sugarhouse	No	No
Hickory burger and an order of cheese fries.
Tres Hombres
$$	**	Millcreek	Yes	No
So-so mexican food.  Mucho mas bueno margaritas.
Trolley Wing Company
$$	****	Downtown	Yes	No
A zillion different kinds of wing sauce.  Well, 120+.
Uinta Brewing Co.
$	***	Midtown	Yes	No
Just cold-cut sammies at the Uinta facility, but there's Cutthroat.  Lots and lots of Cutthroat.
Yanni's Greek Express
$	***	Sugarhouse	No	No
On the weird, non-perpendicular intersection of 1300 E & Highland resides this quick gyro gem.
Z'Tejas
$$	**	Downtown	Yes	No
Some folks "love" this place, including the Radio from Hell staff and numerous sports radio people (all of whom to get paid to say so).

take lots with alcohol

today's entry brought to you by alkaline trio.

well, here we are in the final month of this truncated season.  last week the jazz had a shot (in hell?) of making a big push and landing the four seed.  as of today, they sit outside the playoffs entirely.  what is it going to take for this team--this real team, not the one that showed up for two weeks then slunk back to let the february crew regain control--to make it to the post season?

currently, memphis sits in 6th at 28-22.  houston is technically in 7th and denver in 8th, both with a 28-24 record.  the jazz are in the nine spot at 27-26.  and phoenix is hanging around in 10th at 25-26.  assuming there are no upsets for any of these teams for the entire month, the jazz don't make the playoffs.  sorry.

if you waste 30 minutes like i did writing out the remaining schedules for these teams and assume the team with the superior record always wins, here's how things look:

(full size image here)

• memphis shouldn't move much, with a projected 9-7 finish to stay in 6th with a final record of 37-29.  the grizzlies play nine at home and seven on the road through 4/26.  but...
• houston also finishes 37-29, having the "easiest" finish where they should win 9 and lose only 5. but houston has to play eight games on the road and six at home.  houston loses the head-to-head tiebreaker as memphis already wrapped up the series 2-1.
• denver would stay in 8th, finishing out 7-7 for a 35-31 overall.  like houston, denver has only six home games remaining and eight on the road.
• the jazz just miss the cut finishing their final 13 games 7-6 for a 34-32 overall.  seven of these games are at home, and six are on the road.
• the suns look to completely bomb, with a tough schedule that should see them go 4-10 in april to finish 29-36  they split their remaining 14 games evenly at home and as a visitor.

despite their projected 9-7 finish and a 9-7 home/road advantage, memphis has the most to lose in the immediate future (excluding phoenix, who i'm counting out at this point for the sake of brevity).  the grizzlies start april with a back-to-back-to-back @OKC, vGSW, and @DAL.  then they get one day off before a back-to-back @MIA and vDAL.  then one more day off before facing the clippers in memphis.  for those with a good handle on standings, that means memphis should lose five of their next six before they face the inferior suns.  but of MEM's final eight games, the only one they should lose will be the season closer against the magic.

houston should lose their next three in a row but then it's smooth sailing through 4/26 excluding a 4/18 contest in dallas and a 4/22 game in miami.

denver, on the other hand, should lose to the magic today then win five in a row before things get rough to close the season.  starting 4/13 against the lake-show at staples, the thuggets are likely to lose six of their final eight.  the only bright spots in late april for denver are a 4/21 game in phoenix and the season closer at minnesota.

that brings us to the jazz, who should win (knock on wood) their next three, lose three, then more or less trade W's and L's for the rest of the season.  the biggest detriment to the jazz are that they don't have many games that are paper losses but could be wins: utah faces SAS twice, houston, memphis, dallas, and orlando for their projected remaining losses.  which, to some degree, puts utah's fate in its own hands. besides beating inferior-record teams, utah's best shot at the post season requires at least toppling houston and memphis.  that brings each of those teams down to 26-30 (still a "tie" for sixth but with memphis retaining the tie-breaker), and ties the jazz with denver for 8th.  but the jazz own the head-to-head tie-breaker over denver so we'd sneak in.

basically, with roughly a quarter of the season to go, the jazz can't afford to make any mistakes.  but with a little luck and doing what they're supposed to do, the playoffs aren't impossible at this point.  one spurs game, one dallas game, and one orlando game are at ESA so an upset there is possible as well.

but it all has to start tomorrow in portland.  let's hope wes and friends are ready to throw in the towel.